Allowance

I awoke late to dawn lancing through the sky. It was the first of several routine days, each one punctuated by the question of whether the Church had permitted the fast. Each day, Herrat answered that they were still discussing it.

Until one night, Herrat said: “The Church wishes to speak with you about the fast.”

“Well, alright,” I answered, slightly surprised. “That seems fortuitous. Is it fortuitous?”

We wound up for the night, and the next day, left the penitentiary for the local Saint Hiypar’s Church of Vish. The building was situated on a pleasant square, with colourful flowerbeds outside, its otherwise plain sandstone facade bedazzled in mosaics of water and sunbeams.

The interior was claustrophobic, with large sandstone pillars crowded around too many pews. The stone altar and pulpit were equally small—artefacts of a church whose township had outgrown its first congregation.

Nobody was present, as it wasn’t a worship day, but the building remained open for pilgrims to visit and pray. Vicar Herrat led me aside to the vestry, unlocked it, and entered.

Robes, chalices, candles, banners, and books were assembled on the shelves of the room, flanking a stone basin of water at its end. Herrat scooped a cup of water with a scooper, and called out, “Vicar Herrat Amayir, with Bishop Mephi tel-Sharvara, requests Archbishop Mermed Uvesh on the matter of the fast.” The water shone silver as it spilled back down, striking the pool, and spreading the glow like a cloud.

The water settled. The silver liquid churned in the pool.

Then, the water burbled and a mass of silver arose from its depths—which quickly formed into the shape of a bird, perched on the rim of the basin.

“Ah, Vicar Herrat, lovely to hear from you, and you’ve brought Sharvara—good good! Just wonderful.” The voice, full of lively inflections but distorted to a strangely high pitch, came from the bird.

“We are blessed to hear your voice, Archbishop Mermed,” Herrat said, then urged me on with a look.

“Yeah, I’m here too, I suppose... you called for me?” I managed. Archbishop Mermed was in charge of my case, but aside from brief meetings to have the Hunger bound to the pit in the first place, I didn’t really know him or keep in contact.

“Excellent!” The bird chirped. “Now, as I understand everything, things have been going quite well for you two down in Vish! Oh, that tickles my heart, and I’m sure Czjeir’s smiling too. The good old Claw of God finally getting some work in the clergy—eheh! Much cleaner. Much less mess. Serving Charity, even! What a turnaround! Well then, with this whole ‘fast’ idea, now that quite surprised us, you know! You truly must be feeling up to some dramatically devoted asceticism, Sharvara!”

“It just felt like the right thing to do.”

“And I don’t begrudge you a bit! And this whole idea of ‘defeating’ the Hunger—why, that is quite... tantalising.”

“It’s... the main idea of what I was thinking...”

“Mhm, mhm. You know there are people in the Church who want anathema instated as an ordinance forever? Well I say pt-tooie to that! We just don’t know what else to do with you! But are you really ready to take on a monster like that? You can see it, raging in the hole. It truly is like a living creature! A mighty, abominable wolf!”

I rubbed the back of my neck. “Well, you guys have been... this isn’t an indictment, but, you’ve been kind of late on the schedule before, and the hunger that time wasn’t... bad. I mean, it was painful, but...”

“Mhm, mhm, that little slip-up! I remember that well. Gave us quite a fright something dramatic might happen... but then nothing particularly did.”

“Yeah. It was just painful. If fasting was just like that, I think I could handle it.”

“Mmmm. But, Sharvara, this is quite critical, are you quite sure this would work?”

“It’s just a hunch, but...” I nodded, though he couldn’t see it. “I do. I really, really do. I think I could kill it.”

“And you could hold for however long it would take?”

Herrat interjected, “My apologies, but would it not be wiser to work up to a ‘definitive strike’, as it were, through smaller periods first?”

“Bah!” The bird squawked. “I’ll say this, I’d only throw another person in that pit if there was a really good reason, and there is a good reason, Sharvara! It grows bigger! When we don’t feed it, it grows bigger, and we don’t want it swallowing up all of Amsherrat, do we? So here’s what I propose. I’m quite keen to support this epic fast, provided the Hunger doesn’t begin rampaging all spookily, and that it stays within a certain size. And, of course, we’ll consider your limits as well. That’s why I think we need a safeword!”

“A... safeword,” I said. “Alright.”

“How about ‘stalagmite’? That should work handily!”

“Stalagmite. ...Sure.” I probably shouldn’t sound so deadpan while talking to the Archbishop in control of my fate, but I didn’t think it would particularly rankle him. Nor could I imagine much circumstance to be discussing stalagmites. Shit, what if I mixed it up with stalactites?

“Alright!” A loud snap sounded from the bird. My blue diamond earring glinted in my peripheral vision, flashing very brightly very suddenly. “Okay! Just shout ‘stalagmite!’ and we’ll know to, you know, doom someone for eternity to sate your awful, awful stomach. Don’t yell it now, of course.”

I thumbed the earring. “Right, got it.”

“Great! And we’ll set markers to measure its distance to ensure it doesn’t get too big. If it does—sorry, it’s over! We’re back to the drawing board. And if it starts distressing us too much from our end—eek! Don’t want that thing getting loose. But otherwise, otherwise... I’d say it starts now! I’m not throwing anyone in there unless I really have to. Good luck, Sharvara!”

I went quiet, this information settling in.

“And dear Herrat, too! Please keep an eye on him and tell us if anything starts looking suspicious. Stay like glue!”

“Understood, Archbishop.”

“Very good! God bless! Toodle-oo!”

The bird went silent and still. Herrat took the scooper and struck the bird, which broke into many plain droplets that splashed into the basin and over the floor.

Herrat looked to me. “Well, Mephi, you have the Church’s support. Let us see if you can do this.”

“I’ve fought it before, when it was worse. I’m really, really sure I can manage.”

“May Czjeir watch over us, and keep us from unpredicted complications.” Herrat held his hand up as if halfway to prayer. “I hope for your success, but meddling with these forces... is quite ominous.”

“The Church is watching from the other end. Just... trust, I guess.”

Herrat pursed his lip, but gave a half-hearted nod. “We will see. Now, the hospital will be expecting us...”

The day proceeded as normal. Though functionally useless for my diet, I refrained from lunch or dinner—the mindset of being in the fast began.